Moving Forward
by leavinghope
Summary: It isn't the beginning or the end, but rather the middle that is rough. Moving forward is always the challenge. (Post-Series 4: Sherlock apologizes to Molly.)


The silhouette of Sherlock Holmes through the glass in the door gave Molly Hooper a brief moment to prepare herself before he entered her lab at St. Barts. They had already spoken by phone, of course, a brief apology with the sound of helicopters almost drowning out Sherlock's stilted, yet heartfelt, words. She knew he'd show up eventually, though.

An uncharacteristic knock on her door made her laugh, despite her discomfort. "Oh, just come on in, Sherlock."

"Hello, Molly." He was still thin, but had healthy color to his cheeks. Clean-shaven, hint of cologne, his typical bespoke wardrobe… yes, Sherlock was doing better.

"Good evening, Sherlock. How are you?"

"Fine. And you?"

"Good."

While recovering from the various strains of his past few weeks, Sherlock had an excuse to avoid Molly, so she figured she knew the answer to her next question before she asked. "Are you back to taking cases again?"

"Yes, actually." Sherlock took a deep breath, as if steeling himself for what might be coming next. "I wanted to warn you that Lestrade might be sending some evidence over soon for me to conduct tests. Would that be okay with you?"

Molly suppressed a sad sigh at the unusual request for permission. "Of course."

A little of the tension left Sherlock's shoulders, but not enough. "Molly, I just wanted to say once again how sorry I am for what happened. For what I put you through."

"You've already apologized…"

"Not enough. Never enough for that. I'm sorry."

"I know you are." Molly reached out and placed a reassuring hand on Sherlock's arm. "I accept your apology, truly. I forgive you."

Sherlock exhaled deeply. "Thank you." He met her gaze directly for the first time. "I do, you know, love you, as a friend. You've always been a good friend to me, Molly."

Molly felt her cheeks heat as she blushed, pleased by the sentiment. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Sherlock picked up a scalpel and began fidgeting with it. "So, what's up with you?"

Molly almost giggled. Sherlock was so obviously trying hard. "You want the truth?"

"Of course." Sherlock sniffed in mock offense.

"It's been a rough year, just one thing after the other. First, my gran died."

"My condolences."

"Thanks. It was expected, but that doesn't always make it easier. And then, remember Tom, my ex-fiance?"

"How could I possibly forget?"

"He married someone else, and it hurt. I know it's silly. I mean, I'm the one who broke it off, I know it wouldn't have worked in the end. But still, he found someone else, and here I am alone."

The scalpel slipped from Sherlock's hand and clattered on the worktop.

"You okay?" Molly asked. After he nodded, Molly concluded her rundown. "And to top it off, the day you were forced to make that horrible call to me, I got passed over for a promotion here at work. This year has been sort of a perfect shitstorm."

Sherlock winced. "I'm sorry for my part in it."

"Well, be better, okay? No more drugs, not even for cases."

"Not even for cases." Sherlock agreed solemnly. "Are things going better now?"

"Yeah, thanks for asking. I decided to take control over what I can. I donated to an Alzheimer's charity. I've signed up for some professional development seminars and brushed up my CV."

Ignoring that Molly had made no mention of her dating life, Sherlock said, "Sounds like a good plan."

"Thank you." Molly tilted her head towards him. "My turn now. What's up with you?"

Sherlock shrugged. "Besides the secret murderous sister?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, nothing really."

If he wasn't going to say the name, Molly would. "How's John?"

"Fine, I assume."

"Sherlock…" Molly stood with her hands crossed over her chest, expecting a reasonable answer.

Sherlock looked sufficiently chastened. "He's coming over to Baker Street frequently. He brings Rosie sometimes." A slight smile appeared on Sherlock's face. "He's even allowed me to babysit her while he runs errands."

"Oh, that's wonderful."

"He is showing me a measure of trust I do not know I deserve."

"But that's a good thing, right?"

Sherlock nodded. "It's good to have him and Rosie around so often. Almost as good as having them at Baker Street permanently."

"Then why do you sound so sad?"

Sherlock scoffed, "I don't sound sad."

"What's wrong?"

"What makes you think anything is wrong?"

Molly countered with, "You can talk to me, you know."

"I know, just…" Sherlock paused, rubbing his hands over his face. "John cheated on Mary. Well, not physically, but he had an emotional affair with someone else. A woman. And until he told me, I didn't realize how much hope I was holding on to. That if he ever left Mary, it would be for me."

Molly had always known, but she was still surprised by Sherlock's confession. "I'm so sorry."

"Silly, isn't it? He has certainly never hidden his preferences from me, woman after woman parading through our flat, marrying and conceiving a child with a woman, and yet…"

"And yet love makes fools of us all?"

Sherlock cringed. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I always knew you were out of my league. And then John came along, and I felt both worse and better."

Sherlock raised a questioning eyebrow.

"You were capable of love, but hey, it wasn't my fault I was born a girl."

Sherlock managed a brief chuckle at that, but then he asked, "Was I really so obvious?"

"To me, yeah, to me. You'd never let anyone that close to you before, except for Mrs. Hudson, maybe. And after awhile, the way you'd look at him…"

"How do I look at him?"

"Like he's everything, Sherlock. Everything."

"He is, Molly. John is everything to me. And for all that I am so obvious to you, he hasn't seen it. I don't know if I'm grateful for his ignorance or embarrassed for his lack of perception." He ran his hands through his hair, ruffling it in frustration. "He's never even considered I might have such feelings for him. He is so entrenched in his heteronormative mindset that my text exchanges with Irene Adler must be the sign of a mad, passionate romance instead of a complicated friendship between kindred spirits."

He slumped against the cold steel countertop. "John believes loving someone makes you a better person, and he will eventually look for another woman to bring out the best in him. He says he wants the same for me."

"But it has been for the best, Sherlock. You're a better man because of John than who you were before."

"Am I? Am I really? The things I've done, Molly. The things I would do. You have no idea."

Molly remembered watching Sherlock fall from the roof of this very building, watching him wipe the fake blood off of his face before changing into a disguise and disappearing into death for two years. "Do I really need to ask how far you'd go?"

In a blatant attempt to introduce humor to avoid an uncomfortable topic, Sherlock responded, "Please don't let him set me up on any dates."

"Oh, I don't know, there is a new medical physicist down in oncology who is really attractive. Very fit, great clothes, smart, and male." Molly rolled her eyes.. "Maybe John would get the hint then?"

Sherlock laughed somewhat bitterly. "There's a terrifying thought. I have no idea how he would react."

"Hopefully happy that you'd found someone?"

"There is no one else for me, Molly. And it's so much worse now. I'm falling more in love with Rosie everyday. And watching John with her, growing into his role as her father, well, it's filling me with desires I never thought I would have…. I don't know what to do."

"What do you mean?"

"Would it be better to withdraw from their lives now, or should I wait until John forms a new family, taking with him the closest semblance to a child, a family of my own, I'll ever have?"

"Oh, Sherlock."

"Isn't better to come to my senses now?"

"You and John have been through so much, and you always manage to come back together. I don't think you'll grow apart again."

Sherlock shook his head in response and looked down at the phone in his hand. While his eyes were averted, he said, "May I ask you a favor, Molly? It's important."

"Of course. Anything."

"If… when John meets someone and decides to marry her, talk him out of asking me to be his best man. Please. I can't go through that again."

Molly remembered the sinking feeling in her stomach as she watched Sherlock leave the wedding reception after he'd poured his heart out via his violin. She knew how much that memory must hurt Sherlock, for him to even consider asking her for help. She said, "I'll just remind him of the attempted murder at the last wedding you planned. That should do it, don't you think?"

"Well, we've established he's an idiot, so don't be so sure."

Sherlock glanced down at his phone again, and this time Molly caught a glimpse of his lock screen.

"Hand it over," she said.

"I'm just waiting for a text…"

Molly interrupted him by holding out her hand. He placed the phone in her upturned palm, looking like a guilty child caught emptying the biscuit tin.

"You mean to tell me your lock screen is a photo of John and Rosie, and he still doesn't realize how you feel about him?"

Sherlock took back the phone and gazed at the screen fondly. "I told him it reminded me to feed Rosie when I'm watching her alone."

Before she could respond, Molly and Sherlock heard steps in the corridor. John and Greg walked in a few moments later.

"Hello!" Greg waved at Molly and Sherlock

"Everything okay here?

John obviously knew why Sherlock was there. Molly replied to him directly. "Yeah, it's all good."

Greg asked, "What have the two of you been up to while John was mired in paperwork with me?"

Molly was always more comfortable with partial truths than outright lying. "Just looking at some of Sherlock's photos of Rosie. John, she's adorable."

"That, she is. And Sherlock seems quite smitten with her."

"Little Watson is quite photogenic, surprising when you consider who her father is."

"Oi, you berk!" But John laughed and walked to Sherlock's side.

"So, it this a professional visit?" Molly asked Greg.

Greg said, "No, I'm done for the day, thank goodness. Anybody want dinner?"

John responded, "I'm sorry, but Sherlock and I already have a date with our best girl."

"We are introducing Watson to fish and chips. Everyone will be eating with their hands, so she won't feel uncomfortable in her environment."

"More that it's one of the few things I can guarantee Sherlock will eat, and as his physician, it's my job to take care of him." John clasped Sherlock's shoulder and squeezed it, his hand lingering there. He beamed up at Sherlock, and Molly fought to repress a gasp. Because John was looking up at Sherlock like he was his everything.

Sherlock leaned into John's touch before stepping away. He said, "I'll text Mrs. Hudson that we're on our way."

While making small talk with Greg, John continued to smile affectionately at Sherlock. Molly could not help but wonder how Sherlock would ever get over John, how he could give up hoping while John looked at him like that. _Nobody has ever looked at me like that._

Molly felt her phone buzz in her pocket. She pulled it out to see a text from Sherlock. _Go to dinner with Greg. He's a good man, and he's been wanting to ask you out for years now._

"You know, I'm off work in thirty minutes. I'm free for dinner."

Greg shot a happily surprised look at Molly. "Really? Excellent."

John surreptitiously winked at Sherlock, who returned the gesture in kind, while stowing his phone in his pocket. "My work here is done. Mrs. Hudson is expecting us." Sherlock said, turning to Molly. "Thank you, once again."

"No worries. Give Rosie a hug and kiss from her Aunt Molly."

"We will," John said. "And we'll invite both of you over to Baker Street for dinner soon, so you can see her. I know it's been awhile. If that's okay?" John looked at Sherlock, who nodded. Then John guided Sherlock out of the room with a gentle hand on the small of his back. "Have a good night."

"Good night," said Molly and Greg simultaneously.

Greg inclined his head towards the doorway. "Good to see the two of them back together."

Molly thought of her conversation with Sherlock. "Yeah."

Greg heard her hesitation and said, "You don't sound convinced."

"Things are still fragile for them."

"I know they have a lot to work through, but they bring out the best in each other."

"I just told Sherlock that. He certainly tries his best for John."

Greg read the doubt on her face. "You worry that isn't enough?"

"I guess trying is all any of us can really do, right?" _Speaking of…_ "So, I haven't seen you in awhile. Vacation?"

"No, just taking some extra shifts. Sally has been doing some advanced training courses." Greg grinned. "I recommended her for promotion."

"That's wonderful!" Thinking of her own recent problems at work, Molly added, "She is lucky to have your support."

Greg looked sheepish and shrugged. "God knows she's had my back often enough." He thrummed his fingers on a metal countertop. "I'll head down to the cafeteria and have a coffee until your shift is over."Molly looked around the room. Her work for the day was complete, and she'd already tidied up her tools. She had nothing to linger for and every reason to leave. "You know, why wait? Let's get started."


End file.
